《整点意识流》春风化雨成诗

26、第 26 章

　　God means everything to me
　　He is the reason why I was born
　　And I’ve made up my mind
　　To devote my life to him

　　God says that
　　After I die,
　　I will go to another world

　　If you do your best
　　To serve your lord
　　And try to be a calm and kind lamb
　　You will be led to heaven
　　Where you can feel happiness, no pain
　　Closer to God
　　Otherwise
　　You will go to hell
　　Full of pain
　　No possibility to escape

　　I’ve tried
　　Maybe not my best,
　　But almost every effort
　　Becoming a nun called Sis Sophia
　　Taking a vow of chastity
　　Confessing my sins to God
　　To be closer to my God
　　That’s all I want

　　Now that I am lying in bed
　　About to die
　　With Sis Maria aside
　　Praying for me

　　I know
　　It’s time for the trial
　　Will I be accepted
　　Or rejected by God
　　I’m waiting for his decision
　　If I was brought to hell
　　Then I will continue atoning
　　For my sins
　　I deserve it
　　After all
　　God is always right
　　Won’t make a single mistake

　　I feel so calm and safe
　　Lying in bed
　　Waiting for the time of death
　　God is always with me
　　I know that
　　So, I’m not afraid

　　But
　　As the moment really comes closer
　　A feeling from my heart
　　Gets stronger and stronger
　　And the worst thing is
　　I even can’t get over it
　　It never happened
　　Why now?
　　It’s driving me crazy

　　Suddenly
　　Sis Sophia lets out a shout
　　And then
　　She died

　　Nuns feel sorry that
　　She can’t keep calm till the last moment
　　They all prey for her
　　Hoping God will forgive her
　　For she has been devout all the time

　　Back then
　　The moment is closer and closer
　　I feel it’s just outside the door
　　But I feel neither nervous
　　nor longing
　　For it any longer
　　If people know what I’m thinking
　　They may feel sorry
　　For me changing my mind
　　And going wrong at this last moment
　　But I don’t think so
　　Anyway
　　it doesn’t matter neither
　　Because
　　I’m not going to heaven
　　I’m not going to hell, either
　　I’m not going to anywhere
　　When the death comes
　　I will just disappear